I failed. Completely.
I was supposed to be patient and kind, especially in front of my kids, but I lost it over the dumbest thing. I was buying my kids Dunkin and converted four hundred points from the Dunkin app for a donut and hashbrowns. When I went to pay and told them about the points to take the items off the price and they asked for the coupon, I couldn’t produce it and they charged me in full. I had no idea where it was on my phone and the worker couldn’t help me. I even handed them my phone, but nope, nothing. I thought my points were lost and I just did the whole thing for nothing.
I didn’t yell or anything, but was just rude with a clearly annoyed tone of voice and embarrassed my kids. They pointed out my rudeness and that I was the one in the wrong because I didn’t know how to use my app which really is true, but I didn’t want to admit it at the time. I was focused on the young, inexperienced-looking workers, how incompetent and unknowledgeable they were, and mostly how unhelpful.
The truth is, almost every one of my fast food experiences in recent memory has had something go wrong: missing food, completely wrong orders, mistaken charges, the list goes on and on. In fact, as I am writing this, I am sitting at a Starbucks that completely forgot my simple order (just a tall cup of green tea) and when I reminded them, they gave me the wrong size and wrong order and charged me for it.
Why does this keep happening?!?!
Why do I keep finding myself in the same position again and again?
It’s soooo minor, yet soooo annoying!
IS THE UNIVERSE SENDING ME A MESSAGE?
Maybe G-d is sending me a message that I should stop going to drive-throughs and stop eating out and just stay home.
Maybe.
What I believe, however, is that G-d is sending me a much more important message. In fact, I think it’s not really a message, but rather an opportunity.
I believe I am being sent opportunity after opportunity for growth. And when I miss my chance, G-d is very kind and sends it again. And He’ll keep sending it until I get the message.
It’s like my high school English teacher who never graded my assignments at first, but kept sending them back to me with red marks all over them, giving me repeated chances to improve. Only when she felt I had reached my potential for this particular assignment did she give me a grade. Sometimes I got it in one or two tries. Sometimes it took five or six.
WE HAVE MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO CORRECT AN UNDESIRABLE TRAIT
My nature is impatient. Type A. Controlling. I want things done the way I want, when I want, and I want them done right. Because there is a right way, of course.
This attitude has served me very well in my career, but not always so well in the rest of my life, like when I’m at the Dunkin drive-through with little eyes watching.
So my kind creator heard my plea to the universe to work on my patience and kindness and keeps sending me opportunities to learn and grow.
The thing is, I actually have succeeded much more than I’ve failed, but it’s not always so easy to remember that part.
I displayed great patience and kindness earlier that same day when a different child refused to get up and follow through on a commitment she made. I could have gotten upset. I could have yelled. I could have given her a guilt trip. I could have punished her.
But I did none of those things.
I thought about her and the reasons she might not want to get out of her warm, comfortable bed on a weekend and I just tried to have compassion. I reminded her that I value keeping commitments, but it’s her choice and I let her decide. And when she didn’t make the choice I hoped she would, I left without a word and held full love for her regardless. It was a huge win, for me.
And just a few minutes before the Dunkin drive-through fiasco, I was waiting in my car behind a car that took an inordinate amount of time at the window. Instead of wondering out loud what is taking so long and complaining, I focused on my breath and thought about how the person in front of me also has places to be and things to do. I recognized that my worry about being late had more to do with what others might think of me rather than anything about the wasted time itself. I decided that if I’m late to where I was going and someone there was going to think badly of me, I will deal with that discomfort which immediately calmed me down and I was totally fine and no longer minded waiting.
And just a short while ago at the Starbucks where I ordered my tea, I watched the young workers running back and forth, dealing with customer after customer, on their feet for probably the first few hours of a long work day. I felt compassion for them and appreciation for their hard work. When they got my order wrong, I kindly asked them for my original order, thanked them, and went on with my day.
I refuse to beat myself up over my mistakes. I own them and regret them, but I won’t torture myself over them.
Mindful Doc Mom
REGRET YOUR MISTAKES, BUT DON’T TORTURE YOURSELF OVER THEM
When I look back on my behavior at Dunkin, I do have regret and hope that next time when put in the same exact position, I will do better, especially when little eyes are watching. But I refuse to beat myself up over my mistakes. It was a mistake and I own it, but I won’t torture myself over it. In fact, I had to laugh (sort of) when I had more time and reopened the Dunkin app and found a different tab and there were my coupons staring me in the face. My kids were right; I didn’t know how to use the app, but now I do. I just needed a minute to learn.
I can’t wait for my next fast food or drive-through experience. I hope something goes terribly wrong. I hope I am put in a position to be better, more patient, kinder.
How else will I reach my potential?
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