Mistake #10: Spending Too Much Time In Guilt
Most of us judge ourselves way too harshly.
We do something that we regret and then we are ridden with guilt.
We snapped or yelled too much or didn’t give enough attention to our child. We worked too much. We were unkind or unfair. We criticized or said no too often.
Here’s the truth. There is probably a good reason you did what you did.
If you yelled, you did it for a good reason and it probably worked at some point or for some time. It got their attention. It made them finally listen or do what you wanted them to do.
Your brain is very smart. You wouldn’t do things that you didn’t think would somehow work.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You are human and you do what your human brain instinctively guides you to do.
The problem is that we actually have two brains. We have a primitive, lower brain and a more evolved higher brain, and we often listen to the wrong one, the one that gets us results we don’t actually want. We pay more attention to the lower brain that has our immediate needs and survival in mind rather than the one meant to preserve our best long-term interests such as maintaining peace and good relationships with others.
It’s the way we are wired. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t change. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to improve.
What if overcoming our natural tendencies that lead to negative outcomes is actually the point of our lives?
Maybe we should pay close attention to our challenges and flaws. Perhaps they are clues to our mission on this earth.
If you are impatient or quick to anger and it’s negatively impacting your relationships, there is a reason for that.
You are supposed to pay attention and work on this aspect of your character.
But beating yourself up and feeling guilty won’t help you change it.
In fact, guilt will only keep you stuck in that same negative pattern.
Guilt is to the soul what pain is to the body.
We don’t think of pain as a good thing, but it does serve a purpose. It can alert us when there’s something wrong. Diabetics with neuropathy who don’t feel pain in their feet can cause damage when they step on something harmful and are not even aware.
When guilt arises, use is as an alert system, but don’t let yourself get paralyzed by it.
You can try to find the purpose in the guilt by recognizing what you did and taking responsibility for your actions and making efforts to improve yourself to do better.
What if overcoming a negative character trait is exactly what you are here in this world to do?
Instead of judging yourself, become curious.
Be curious about when and where this negative trait shows up in your life.
Be curious about what you were thinking at that time.
Be curious about how you can overcome it.
Staying in curiosity is a much better use of your time than wallowing in guilt.
Are you curious about an effective tool that will help you change one of your negative character traits? Come to a free 30 minute Zoom call with and learn how to finally achieve your goal.
