Mistake #7: Indulging in Compare and Despair
How many times have you compared yourself or your life as a mom to someone else’s and found that you and your life come up short?
Monthly? Daily? Multiple times a day?
Their body bounced back from pregnancy so much faster than mine.
Their kids are easier.
Their job is better.
Their home is nicer or cleaner.
Their spouse is more helpful.
They have more outside help.
They have more money or more time or go on better vacations.
The list goes on and on and on.
Social media certainly doesn’t help when you spend a good portion of your life scrolling through the “best of” curated version of the lives of your real friends and mostly “Facebook friends” who you haven’t actually talked to in over twenty years, yet find yourself longing for their perfect life on a Wednesday at six PM when facing your own difficult, hungry kids and messy home while your husband is still in a meeting seems more challenging.
Compare and despair.
It’s what we do to ourselves again and again and it just feels terrible.
So why do we keep doing it to ourselves?
There are probably many social and evolutionary reasons that I won’t get into right now.
The two points I’ll make now are the following:
- Deep down we tend to question our own worth. We don’t actually believe that we are 100% worthy just by being here, just by being alive. This creates a sense of insecurity and when something triggers this feeling in us, we indulge in compare and despair, proving to ourselves this deep mistaken belief.
- We attribute our happiness to something outside of ourselves, rather than taking full responsibility for our emotions. We believe that if we looked like her or had her life, we would somehow be happier. We forget, or don’t even realize, that our emotions are caused by OUR OWN thoughts, not by any circumstance outside of ourselves.
Our emotions are caused by OUR OWN thoughts, not by any circumstance outside of ourselves.
Mindful Doc Mom
So next time you find yourself comparing and despairing, remember that you are telling yourself a lie. You already have everything you need in your own brain right now to feel the way you think you would feel if you had what she has.
Need help getting out of the compare and despair cycle? Sign up for a free 30 minute Zoom call with me to see if coaching may be right for you.
