Mistake #4: Avoiding discomfort
Avoiding discomfort in parenting is not doing the things you know you should be doing because you don’t like how you’ll feel when you do it.
This could look like avoiding setting boundaries or rules on chores or bedtimes or language or behavior or curfews, for instance. If you set these boundaries or rules, then you will have to deal with the negative reaction or you’ll have to actually follow through on consequences when they are broken.
No one wants to be the bad guy or policeman and dealing with the aftermath of broken boundaries is often very unpleasant and time consuming, so sometimes it’s easier to just not make the rules at all.
Avoiding discomfort could also look like buffering with food or wine or Netflix or scrolling Facebook rather than sitting down to help your child figure out their homework or do meal prep and planning or even making dinner.
Helping a child with homework may bring up feelings of frustration or confusion or annoyance when you explain something ten times and they still don’t get it or they accuse you of doing it the wrong way or different from how they were taught. The idea of spending time and energy planning and cooking a meal may feel very unsatisfying when you anticipate the complaints or different food preferences or sibling fights at the kitchen table or lack of help after repeating the same requests.
Avoiding discomfort could look like saying “yes” to the extra dessert or extra grocery items thrown in the grocery store cart or the extra toys or clothes or activities when you really want to say “no”, but don’t want to upset your child or deal with their tantrums or whining.
The problem with avoiding discomfort is that it doesn’t actually take discomfort away. What it really does is trade one form of discomfort for another.
When we avoid discomfort, we don’t actually remove the discomfort. We just trade one form of discomfort for another.
Mindful Doc Mom
Having no boundaries or rules creates a home with chaos and confusion and lack of a sense of security, which leads to more issues in your children that you are going to have to deal with down the line which is very uncomfortable.
Buffering with food or drink or Netflix or social media can lead to weight gain and addiction (even if only low level) and disconnection from those you love which is also all very unpleasant in many ways.
Saying yes to all the extra sugar and toys and material goods and activities can lead to less healthy and more entitled kids which is also very unpleasant in the end.
So both choices are uncomfortable.
You either avoid the uncomfortable thing now and deal with the uncomfortable consequence later OR you are willing to feel uncomfortable now, but minimize your long-term discomfort.
One of these choices leads to the result you actually want and one of them doesn’t.
Which is it going to be?
If you need help learning to choose short-term discomfort in order to avoid long-term discomfort, sign up for a free 30 minute Zoom call with me to learn how coaching can shift your outlook and your life. Sign up on my calendar link below.
