Mistake #11: Thinking that your child is an extension of you (and Not Taking Up Your Rightful Space)
This is the final parenting mistake I’m going to discuss in this series that I started a few weeks ago. There are many others, but I think this is a good place to stop and this particular mistake is one of the most important ones we make.
Our kids are not smaller or younger versions of us.
They may look like us or act like us or have some similar talents and skills, but THEY ARE NOT US.
We often get so caught up in every aspect of their lives, trying so hard to ensure their happiness, that we forget this simple truth and make both of us miserable in the process.
We visualize our own success with their every win and lament our own failure with their every loss.
We try to give them what we didn’t have.
We try to shield them from the pain we suffered.
But life is 50/50 and there is no joy without pain.
There is no running without falling.
There is no success without sacrifice.
My favorite organ is the brain, of course. (I’m a little biased being a Neurologist and all.)
But we need the heart and lungs, too, in order to live.
Both the heart and lungs expand and contract in order to keep us alive.
If one of these functions stopped, we would be in big trouble.
The same is true in parenting.
Sometimes we have to expand and other times we have to contract.
Our biggest parenting mistakes often happen when we mix these two up.
We expand when we should contract and contract when we should expand.
And we often make this mistake when we forget that our child is NOT an extension of us.
We have to remember to take up our rightful space.
Our biggest parenting mistakes often happen when we don’t know how to take up our rightful space. We expand too much when we should contract or contract too much when we should expand.
Mindful Doc Mom
We want our kids to be able to separate from us someday.
We want them to be able to live independent lives.
But then we try to control their every move.
You can’t do this or that. You can’t eat this or that. You can’t wear this or that.
We are too expansive.
We are taking up too much space.
It’s time to contract.
What they need is not what you need or what you needed as a child.
Next time a conflict arises, ask yourself if you are expanding or contracting.
Am I getting too involved trying to control this part of their life?
Am I paying too little attention and not asking enough questions or simply checking out?
What do THEY need most right now?
The answer may surprise you.
Want to learn more about coaching and how you can start taking up YOUR rightful space? Get on a free call with me by clicking the link below.
Great article!