Let’s say you did something you really regret.
Maybe you yelled at your kids in that monster mom voice and saw fear in their eyes.
Maybe you criticized your spouse or a friend and wish you could take the words back.
Maybe you stomped on someone’s dream.
Maybe you judged unfavorably or gossiped about someone.
Maybe you were rude to someone or acted selfish and self-absorbed.
Maybe you cheated on that diet or skipped the planned workout yet again.
Now what?
How do you treat yourself afterwards?
To answer this question, let’s look at how you might treat someone else who messed up.
The analogy that comes to mind whenever I think about this question is a scenario where you encounter a drunk alcoholic passed out on your floor.
What do you do in this situation?
There are three main options:
1. Pretend like nothing happened (aka hide/ignore/avoid the issue). You could move him somewhere where others can’t see or just leave him lying there on the cold floor and pretend he’s not there. You go about your own business.
2. Reprimand him. You could make him feel really bad about what he did and berate him the next day or when he sobers up.
3. Leave him on the floor, but cover him with a blanket.
With option number three, the person will wake up on the floor and feel the pain and consequence of their decision, but also feel the warmth, compassion and love of the person who found them.
Now back to you when you mess up.
What do YOU do NEXT?
The answer to that question will determine the likelihood of you messing up in the same way again or not.
The same three choices as outlined in the drunken scenario above also apply here.
1. You can ignore your mistake and act like nothing happened.
2. You can beat yourself up and have lots of negative self-talk about how you’re not such a great mom, spouse, friend, employee, person, etc.
OR …
3. You can feel the pain of your mistake, but still have compassion for yourself.
When you ignore or avoid addressing a mistake that you made, you lose the opportunity to learn from it and grow.
Mindful Doc Mom
When you ignore or avoid addressing a mistake that you made, you lose the opportunity to learn from it and grow. Chances are that you’ll end up making the same bad decision again when presented with the same trigger.
Your actions come from your feelings and if you’re feeling bad, you are more likely to do bad.
Mindful Doc Mom
When you beat yourself up about something you did, you end up with a lot of negative emotions. You feel terrible, guilty, unworthy and a whole host of other unpleasant emotions. These negative feelings will drive your next actions. Your actions come from your feelings and if you’re feeling bad, you are more likely to do bad. You’re more likely to engage in buffering activities like overeating or overdrinking or escaping with Netflix or social media to avoid these unpleasant emotions. The result is that you end up with MORE negative results and MORE negative emotions.
What if you allowed yourself to feel the discomfort and pain of what you did, but didn’t beat yourself up for your poor decision?
What if you could see the negative results of your actions and have regret, but recognize that you are human and imperfect and you must have made that choice for a reason?
What if you understood that at any moment at any given time no matter what you choose, you are still one hundred percent worthy?
Such thoughts would generate feelings of COMPASSION for yourself and from that compassion, what are you more likely to do next?
What actions are you more likely to take from feelings of compassion and regret than from feelings of guilt or disgust?
From compassion and regret, you would be more likely to take responsibility for your actions.
From compassion and regret you would be more likely to genuinely apologize.
From compassion and regret you would be more likely to be willing to learn and change and grow.
From compassion and regret you would be more likely to evolve into a better version of you.
From compassion and regret you would be more likely to connect to others than to disconnect.
So how do you want to treat yourself next time you mess up?
I can help you have more self-compassion, less negative self-talk, and better results in your life through individual coaching.
Schedule a free Zoom call with me to learn more by clicking on my calendar link below.
