From an evolutionary standpoint, our human brain was designed to be motivated by three main things:
- Seek pleasure
- Avoid pain
- Be efficient
This is what we call the “motivational triad”.
This makes a lot of sense if you think about what we had to deal with in order to survive back in the days of the caveman and beyond. We needed motivation to go out of the cave in order to hunt and gather food and to find partners to reproduce. We needed to avoid anything that might cause us or our families harm such as dangerous animals or even plants. And we needed to do all of this in the quickest, most efficient way expending as little energy as possible in order to survive. We are literally wired for instant gratification. Throughout the history of man our brains have been wired for survival in this way.
But fast forward hundreds and thousands of years and we no longer have to deal with some of these same concerns. Our food is plentiful. Our outside dangers are minimal and we have become so efficient that we can practically run our lives through a device in the palm of our hands.
Yet our brains have still not evolved too far past that original wiring back in the days of the cave.
These three underlying motivations still play an enormous role in running our lives.
We move towards what we perceive as pleasurable. We move away from discomfort. And we continue to replay the neural pathways most familiar to us because we know them well, they’re easy, and it takes much less effort to continue to think and feel and do the things we’ve thought, felt, and done so many times in our life rather than putting in the effort to learn something new.
If you think about your life and how you function based on what I just explained, please know that there is nothing wrong with you!
Your brain was designed to eat delicious food, drink delicious drinks, have sex, shop, and spend hours on Netflix or scrolling social media.
All of these buffering activities are our brains’ way to move towards more pleasure and away from discomfort and pain and do what is easy.
A buffer is a space that we create to put distance between ourselves and something unpleasant.
Now don’t get me wrong. None of these activities I mentioned above are inherently wrong or bad in any way. It’s only when we overdo them in a way that they cause problems for us and create results that we don’t want and have a net negative impact that they become a problem.
For instance, eating food to fuel your body and connect with loved ones can be good. Overeating to the point where you can’t keep up with your kids because of fatigue disconnects you from those you love and may even shorten your life.
Drinking alcohol can be a fun social activity that lowers your inhibitions to make you feel more comfortable and tastes good. But overdrink and your inhibitions can be so low that you do things you regret, disconnect from those you love, and feel terrible physically and mentally in multiple ways.
Having sex with your partner creates intimacy and closeness, but overuse of pornography pulls you away and can create more disconnect and resentment.
Shopping can be a great source of fun, but overspending can lead to debt and financial troubles.
Netflix and Facebook can bring pleasure and connection, but do it too long and you’re hiding from your loved ones rather than being present with those right in front of you.
You see the difference?!
Ask yourself if these common buffering activities are bringing you net pleasure or net pain.
If buffering with food or anything else is causing net pain in your life and you want it to change, then here are some tips on what to do next:
- Do not, I repeat, do NOT beat yourself up! Have compassion for yourself and your human brain. Recognize that you are human and doing exactly what your human brain was designed to do for your survival.
- Notice that the reason you are buffering is to AVOID discomfort and pain. It’s totally normal. If you think about the motivational triad, your strongest motivator is to avoid discomfort. What pain are you trying to avoid?
- Understand that in order to stop buffering with the thing causing you a net negative impact in your life, you have to be willing to embrace discomfort. This one thing is the key to your dreams.
So in summary, you buffer with food or other activities because you have a human brain that is highly motivated to avoid pain and discomfort.
There is nothing wrong with you!
Change you life with the following three words: compassion, awareness, willingness.
Want to learn more or get help with buffering, self-awareness, self-compassion, or embracing discomfort? Click on the link below and schedule a free call with me.
