I recently got hit hard with some nasty virus (not Covid). It had been going on low-level for about a week or so when things escalated and it developed into a situation of more intense upper respiratory symptoms, incessant coughing, and inability to breath or sleep that knocked me off my feet, or at least should have. Unfortunately when doctor mom gets sick life continues to move at a fast pace, and sometimes she just has to hang on for dear life.
So about three days into this mess and remembering again why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, I finally had sort of a day “off” which looked like this:
Got up early and barely saw my kids off to school. Got to urgent care before they opened and was still the fourth one in line. Saw a great doctor and left with a plan and several prescriptions that would finally allow me to breath and stop coughing and maybe get some sleep. Drove straight to the pharmacy and once I confirmed most of my meds were in stock, nicely demanded they fill them then and there while I waited so I could continue on with my responsibilities which included teaching a graduate level two hour class that was counting on me. Stopped home to walk my dog, then got locked out of my house when the garage keypad decided to break at the most inopportune time. Tracked down an emergency locksmith, but was saved by my husband who was able to run home in time to let me in. Made it to my class just in time and taught for the full two hours, despite hacking during much of the lecture (it was an asthma-like situation and not contagious virus at this point) and had the students help me read some of the slides. There was also answering patient calls, pick up/drop off to activities, grocery shopping, and probably ten other things I’m forgetting at this moment.
Whew! I’m exhausted just thinking about that day again.
We take care of everyone else all day long, and we’re often the last on our own list.
Mindful Doc Mom
Yet this is what so many of us doctor moms do ALL THE TIME, even when we’re sick!
We take care of everyone else all day long, and we’re often the last on our own list.
In thinking back on that day and that week, there were several things that I did well and several that were not so great.
Things I think I did well in the days I felt really sick:
- When I recognized how sick I was, I immediately reached out after hours to my practice manager to make a plan for my patient clinic the next day.
- I make a decision to not see patients in person and had all my visits converted to virtual.
- I skipped a mandatory in person meeting because I felt so sick and didn’t want to infect others.
- I asked for help with carpool to kids activities (my husband who normally helps was gone that evening). A kind mom agreed to pick up my child and I will gladly return the favor.
- I dropped many of the things I do for my kids in the morning and after school and let them fend for themselves.
- I reached out to my own doctor letting them know my symptoms and asked to be seen (unfortunately they didn’t get my message until too late).
- I went early to urgent care when I knew I was in bad shape.
- I took extra breaks during the class I taught and enlisted the students’ help with reading slides.
- I took a (too short) nap in the middle of the day.
Here are the things I did not do so well:
- I didn’t cancel my clinic.
- I didn’t cancel my lecture.
- I waited too long to contact my doctor. I could have let them know about my symptoms earlier knowing that they have escalated quickly in the past.
- I haven’t kept a consistent exercise schedule or healthier diet for some time. Although this may not have fully prevented me from getting sick, it may have boosted my immune system and allowed me to be less severely sick and/or recover faster.
- I kept my same full schedule for the week. Despite how awful I felt, I really didn’t skip a beat. I am NOT proud of this, although I think our society wants me to be.
- I could have asked for even more help.
When I look at this second list, it’s easy to beat myself up about this. I could get lost in the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve thoughts. But the truth is, I had good reasons for all of these decisions. For example, I didn’t cancel my clinic because I had the thought that it would add MORE work for me to find a place to put the rescheduled patients. I didn’t cancel my lecture because I knew the students’ test was coming up in two weeks and I would have to find extra time to come in if I didn’t make it to that day’s class.
Even if my choices weren’t necessarily the best in retrospect, they made sense to me in the moment. And for that, I have tons of compassion for myself.
It’s useful to look back and think about what went well and what didn’t in different areas of your life so you can have awareness and make more intentional decisions in the future. When you deliberately decide what you would do different in a particular situation, the chances of improvement in the future are much more likely.
Now, looking back and thinking ahead, I can decide on purpose how I want to handle this situation should it arise again.
I can decide on purpose to take care of my physical body and my mental health to keep me in tiptop shape.
I can decide on purpose to delegate more responsibilities so everything doesn’t fall on me alone.
I can examine my thinking and find thoughts that are blocking me from doing these things I mentioned on a consistent basis.
I can find better thoughts that serve me and get me the results I want.
And you can do this for yourself as well.
When a situation comes up in your life that wasn’t so easy or didn’t go the way you had hoped, take a few minutes and really examine it. Ask yourself the following three questions:
- What went well?
- What didn’t go so well?
- What would I do different next time?
This simple process shouldn’t take very long, but can make a HUGE difference in your life.
Sometimes it helps to have a neutral party guiding you through these questions. That’s the huge benefit of coaching, where a trained coach can hold space for you to pull you out of your own head and help you examine your thinking. Once you gain awareness, you can decide ON PURPOSE the thoughts you need to take you where you want to go.
Curious to learn more? Sign up for a free 45 minute no hassle session with me by clicking on my scheduling link below. You can also email me at mindfuldocmom@gmail.com if you have any questions or you don’t see a time that works for you.
