I recently coached a fellow physician about the stress she feels during some of her outpatient clinic days. She had several thoughts about what happens and what should or shouldn’t happen. For example, clinic should run on time. Patients shouldn’t be late. I should get to eat lunch. Patients shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations and bring up new or unrelated issues at the end of their visit.
At first glance, none of these thoughts seem unreasonable to most of us who spend our days in this environment. What happens or doesn’t happen isn’t the problem, of course. The problem occurs when what you think should happen doesn’t and when what you think shouldn’t happen actually does. The problem is caused by your own thinking, NOT by the patient or clinic running late or asking more questions, or having no time to eat. The reality is that the patient should be late. How do we know? Because they were! That’s how it was always supposed to be, you just weren’t informed. You didn’t get the memo. Them being late now becomes your circumstance and you get to decide what you make that mean.
When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.-Byron Katie
If you look at it from this perspective, you realize how much suffering you bring upon yourself. How many times have you had the following types of thoughts…
This shouldn’t be this way.
This should be easier.
My kids should listen the first time I ask them to do something.
They shouldn’t fight so much.
He/she should do what they said they were going to do.
Stop shoulding on yourself! When you argue with what is, you create resistance and tension, what most of us recognize as a feeling of anxiety and stress. That doesn’t mean that you can’t choose to make changes and improvements in your life. Of course you can try to find and implement processes that help your clinic run smoother or your home life be more efficient. But every time you see a should creep into your mind, recognize it for the problem it creates. Next time you feel stressed or anxious about something, ask yourself a simple question – why? What am I thinking that is causing me to feel this stress? Is it because I think something should or shouldn’t be happening? Many times, the answer is yes. And if that’s the case, become aware of that and realize that this line of thinking is only causing you unnecessary suffering. As soon as you drop all the shoulds in your life, life can actually becomes much less stressful and a whole lot more fun!
Try it today. What shoulds do you have that cause you to suffer?
