I’m Still Here

I haven’t written here for over two weeks. Not that anyone has noticed. It’s not like I’ve even had a single comment yet. I also haven’t exactly put myself out there. Most of my friends & family don’t even know that I started this blog. I tell myself that I do it for me, so I don’t really need to tell anyone. It’s anonymous anyway, so does it really matter if people read it or not? But that’s just a lie. The truth is I’m scared. I’m scared that someone may actually read it and hate it.  I’m scared that I might get criticized or taken out of context. I’m scared that I actually have nothing important to say. I’m scared to be vulnerable. I’m scared to put myself out there. I’m also scared that if I actually put in the effort and something does come of it, then what? What will that mean? Will it mean more work? More stress? More vulnerability? More scrutiny? I’m not sure? All of it, maybe. Or maybe not.  At the end of the day, I made a choice. I chose to do something despite my fear. I chose to start a blog. Even if it’s anonymous. Even if it’s hard. Even if I have to figure out how to do technical things that I have no idea how to do. Even if I have to put in some effort. Even if some days I think, what’s the point? I’m still here and want to be here. I will keep showing up. Somehow. In some way. Because that’s who I want to be.